I decided to title this article “What is Sex Addiction” because I want to explain to the everyone what it is like to suffer with a sexual addiction. To personally shine light on the subject of sexual addiction from a Clinical Christian Therapeutic point of view as well as from a recovering sexual addict point of view. We call it an Underground experience because it is typically hidden from the rest of the world, it is dark, dirty and isolating. I personally believe and have come to understand through my time spent counseling that there are many Christians struggling with some form of sexual addiction whether it is pornography and masturbation or repeated adulterous affairs. The problem is that there are few people within the church walls willing to come forward and admit their struggles and be transparent to the body. In this article I will explain how big this problem really is and how long it is been going on to how it becomes an addiction and where can we find healing and recovery from.
How Big Is This Problem?
Why as a society do we seem to be surprised when someone claims that they are a sex addict or gets caught committing various forms of adultery? If we take a look through out history dating back to 2030 B.C. we will find a place called Sodom and Gomorrah. A place where it was common practice to partake in Homosexuality and orgies. We then can look ahead to 931 b.c where King David lusted after a woman and had her husband killed so he could be with her, to his son’s desire to prey upon his sister then eventually rape her. Fast forward to King Herod and having women dance in front of him in the form of modern day stripping. Through biblical times we see record after record of definite sexual sin and very possibly sexual addiction. Take a look at the Playboy Empire to Hustler to Penthouse, these are all very successful business ventures that have made their millions off of the sexual addiction of many men and women. It is reported that pornography sales a year make more money than ABC-NBC-CBS combined and more than NFL-MLB-NBA. Lastly look what happened in the late 90’s when the internet went “boom”, it provided people who typically didn’t find pornography assessable, affordable to be anonymous. I believe that we are living in a sexually addicted and saturated culture. Which ever came first is unimportant to me at this point. We as a culture have a need to be sexual and we subscribe to the many outlets available. Supply and demand is very relevant because if there wasn’t a demand then they could not supply us. So the point I am trying to make is that this problem of sexual addiction is far from being a new struggle and we are as a whole far from understanding the size of this monster called “Sexual addiction”.
Why Is It An Addiction?
Patrick Carnes, a leader in the understanding and development of sexual addiction stated that, “To be addicted is to have a pathological (diseased) relationship (pattern behavior) with a mood altering substance or behavior. It is essentially when we attempt to meet an emotional need sexually. If an alcoholic is depressed, sad or mad he or she might decide to drink alcohol or get drunk to deal with the pain. A sex addict who is feeling anxiety, angry or lonely might seek out pornography, masturbation or actual communication and interaction with someone for an attempt to heal or deal with pain, shame and wounds. It is an addiction because it becomes obsessive, compulsive, continues despite consequences, and creates a tolerance, repetitive, degenerative, unmanageable, destructive and finally medicative. You may ask, why sex and why not other different outlets of coping? It all depends on the vulnerability of a person when they realize that various forms of sexual acting out produce temporary relief from current or past pain. I know individuals who have been involved in sexual sin and it hasn’t lead to a sexual addiction and I believe that their susceptibility plays into this as well as past traumas that have been experienced, other forms of coping may already be in place as well. Here at Life Counseling Center and The Underground we take the stance that majority of struggling addicts suffer from some sort of abuse, trauma or wounds from past experiences. It is been reported that 81% of all sexual addicts have been sexually abused, 72% have been physically abused and 97% have been emotionally abused. Outside of relational trauma we also need to understand the biological component to all addiction even that of a sexual nature. It has been researched that 75% of all sex addicts have either ADD or ADHD. The ADD’s is when the Pre-Frontal Cortex (executive functioning) of the brain does not receive enough blood flow to operate properly. Low blood flow in the pre-frontal cortex could result in having a short attention span, being impulsive, lacking proper judgment, healthy forward thinking and not having internal supervision. Basically acting out (masturbation, pornography, the chase) creates an elevation in mood which creates adrenaline and it releases chemicals during orgasm which causes the brain to calm and bring the mood down into a state of relaxation.
How It Became An Addiction
When we use the term “trauma” we understand that it means different things to different people. Trauma is when someone is sexually or physically abused but it also can be emotional abuse or neglect and abandonment of a particular need. Every sex addict across the board that I have met struggles with the issue of abandonment, abandonment from a need that never got met. Whether it was by a parent or sibling to a Sunday school teacher or coach. When a person experiences trauma they typically pull from that incident a level of shame. Guilt is when we feel we have “done” something wrong and shame is when we “are” something wrong. So we endure trauma and from that we feel inadequate, stupid or not good enough. To deal with the shame that we feel we create fantasy or a desire to relieve the pain (affairs, texting, pornography, the chase), we develop certain rituals (getting alone, shutting the door, turning down the blinds) to eventually acting out with the particular act that relieves the pain temporarily, once the act is done and the high is achieved we begin to feel convicted, shameful again and thus the cycle to relieve pain begins over and over. I have counseled some men who cycled with adultery once every six months to once a year, to other men whose cycle was porn and masturbation five times daily. Keep in mind that all of these acts are only temporary relief of an emotional pain. Sex addiction is not about sex, but only acted out through a sexual manner. The main cry of a sex addict is to be wanted, loved, needed and desired. Please understand that whatever method of acting out is merely a symptom to a much deeper root problem.
How To Heal & Recover
Ursula K. Leguin stated that, “It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters, in the end”. The pathway to healing and recovery is what one would call a “journey”. A journey is a distance, a course or a time of lengthy travel, not to be confused with a race. The first two requirements for healing and recovery from sexual addiction are patience and perseverance. I am a firm believer that Christ can heal all wounds, but I have never seen him heal a man or woman from sexual addiction. The ailment is not physical but more so emotional damage. However, I believe the healing and deliverance in Christ is done step by step alongside the Savior and he even at times carries individuals through the pain and trauma of their past to a place of peace, comfort and purity. Many addicts I have met have pleaded with God to take their struggle away probably hundreds or thousands of times. Like the Apostle Paul in 2nd Corinthians his request for deliverance was to no avail. I personally, through my struggle can completely identify with that scenario. We should be commissioned to work at our recovery like we would anything else in our life, because with out sustained recovery everything that matters in our life we would be at risk of losing. Our pain and trauma is sort a like an onion with layers deepening to the core. In order to get to the core we must peel back all the layers. The layers represent life, pain and past memories. When we ask God to take all our addiction away we must understand that the addiction is developed on top of years and years of abuse. In order to be free we must dig deep to the core and be willing to expose the trauma we have endured. We must grasp the concept that our addiction has affected more than ourself. It has affected our relationships with our parents, friends, co-workers and spouses, by default we pull away spiritually from our God, the pain has affected the way in which we view ourselves and our identity, to our emotional and biological state. In the same way our addiction affects theses five areas, it is those five areas that lead us to healing in recovery. First off, if we attempt to draw close to Christ (Spiritually) and connect to him in a more intimate fashion our desire to conceive sexual sin will lessen. Secondly, if we began to relate (Relationally) with other individuals in forms of corporate worship, accountability partners and groups we will strip the addiction of its isolating power. Thirdly, attempting to arrange some level of qualified counsel from a pastoral or clinical care would increase our emotional (Emotionally) healing and recovery. Fourthly, making an appointment with your primary care doctor or psychiatrist for a med-check or assessment could also be proven to be useful from a biological (Biologically) stand point. Lastly, creating some sort of healthier eating, exercise and work regime could give you the added benefit for a total life transformation (Physically).
As you have probably already noticed many others factors play into the cause of sexual addiction and go into the healing from sexual addiction. I personally believe we are on the ground floor of the most destructive addiction this world has ever felt. Because we are sexual beings designed by God with give little or no merit to the area of sexual addiction. We were not designed to be alcohol or drug related so when someone struggles we immediately identify and share sympathy with the addict. Please understand my plea as a qualified Clinical Therapist and a recovering sexual addict that this article I am writing is real and sexual addiction does exist.
If anyone desires to understand more about the causes or healing from sexual addiction please contact us here at Life Counseling Center and The Underground atwww.theundergroundministry.org. I hope now you understand a little more about “An Underground Experience”.
How Big Is This Problem?
Why as a society do we seem to be surprised when someone claims that they are a sex addict or gets caught committing various forms of adultery? If we take a look through out history dating back to 2030 B.C. we will find a place called Sodom and Gomorrah. A place where it was common practice to partake in Homosexuality and orgies. We then can look ahead to 931 b.c where King David lusted after a woman and had her husband killed so he could be with her, to his son’s desire to prey upon his sister then eventually rape her. Fast forward to King Herod and having women dance in front of him in the form of modern day stripping. Through biblical times we see record after record of definite sexual sin and very possibly sexual addiction. Take a look at the Playboy Empire to Hustler to Penthouse, these are all very successful business ventures that have made their millions off of the sexual addiction of many men and women. It is reported that pornography sales a year make more money than ABC-NBC-CBS combined and more than NFL-MLB-NBA. Lastly look what happened in the late 90’s when the internet went “boom”, it provided people who typically didn’t find pornography assessable, affordable to be anonymous. I believe that we are living in a sexually addicted and saturated culture. Which ever came first is unimportant to me at this point. We as a culture have a need to be sexual and we subscribe to the many outlets available. Supply and demand is very relevant because if there wasn’t a demand then they could not supply us. So the point I am trying to make is that this problem of sexual addiction is far from being a new struggle and we are as a whole far from understanding the size of this monster called “Sexual addiction”.
Why Is It An Addiction?
Patrick Carnes, a leader in the understanding and development of sexual addiction stated that, “To be addicted is to have a pathological (diseased) relationship (pattern behavior) with a mood altering substance or behavior. It is essentially when we attempt to meet an emotional need sexually. If an alcoholic is depressed, sad or mad he or she might decide to drink alcohol or get drunk to deal with the pain. A sex addict who is feeling anxiety, angry or lonely might seek out pornography, masturbation or actual communication and interaction with someone for an attempt to heal or deal with pain, shame and wounds. It is an addiction because it becomes obsessive, compulsive, continues despite consequences, and creates a tolerance, repetitive, degenerative, unmanageable, destructive and finally medicative. You may ask, why sex and why not other different outlets of coping? It all depends on the vulnerability of a person when they realize that various forms of sexual acting out produce temporary relief from current or past pain. I know individuals who have been involved in sexual sin and it hasn’t lead to a sexual addiction and I believe that their susceptibility plays into this as well as past traumas that have been experienced, other forms of coping may already be in place as well. Here at Life Counseling Center and The Underground we take the stance that majority of struggling addicts suffer from some sort of abuse, trauma or wounds from past experiences. It is been reported that 81% of all sexual addicts have been sexually abused, 72% have been physically abused and 97% have been emotionally abused. Outside of relational trauma we also need to understand the biological component to all addiction even that of a sexual nature. It has been researched that 75% of all sex addicts have either ADD or ADHD. The ADD’s is when the Pre-Frontal Cortex (executive functioning) of the brain does not receive enough blood flow to operate properly. Low blood flow in the pre-frontal cortex could result in having a short attention span, being impulsive, lacking proper judgment, healthy forward thinking and not having internal supervision. Basically acting out (masturbation, pornography, the chase) creates an elevation in mood which creates adrenaline and it releases chemicals during orgasm which causes the brain to calm and bring the mood down into a state of relaxation.
How It Became An Addiction
When we use the term “trauma” we understand that it means different things to different people. Trauma is when someone is sexually or physically abused but it also can be emotional abuse or neglect and abandonment of a particular need. Every sex addict across the board that I have met struggles with the issue of abandonment, abandonment from a need that never got met. Whether it was by a parent or sibling to a Sunday school teacher or coach. When a person experiences trauma they typically pull from that incident a level of shame. Guilt is when we feel we have “done” something wrong and shame is when we “are” something wrong. So we endure trauma and from that we feel inadequate, stupid or not good enough. To deal with the shame that we feel we create fantasy or a desire to relieve the pain (affairs, texting, pornography, the chase), we develop certain rituals (getting alone, shutting the door, turning down the blinds) to eventually acting out with the particular act that relieves the pain temporarily, once the act is done and the high is achieved we begin to feel convicted, shameful again and thus the cycle to relieve pain begins over and over. I have counseled some men who cycled with adultery once every six months to once a year, to other men whose cycle was porn and masturbation five times daily. Keep in mind that all of these acts are only temporary relief of an emotional pain. Sex addiction is not about sex, but only acted out through a sexual manner. The main cry of a sex addict is to be wanted, loved, needed and desired. Please understand that whatever method of acting out is merely a symptom to a much deeper root problem.
How To Heal & Recover
Ursula K. Leguin stated that, “It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters, in the end”. The pathway to healing and recovery is what one would call a “journey”. A journey is a distance, a course or a time of lengthy travel, not to be confused with a race. The first two requirements for healing and recovery from sexual addiction are patience and perseverance. I am a firm believer that Christ can heal all wounds, but I have never seen him heal a man or woman from sexual addiction. The ailment is not physical but more so emotional damage. However, I believe the healing and deliverance in Christ is done step by step alongside the Savior and he even at times carries individuals through the pain and trauma of their past to a place of peace, comfort and purity. Many addicts I have met have pleaded with God to take their struggle away probably hundreds or thousands of times. Like the Apostle Paul in 2nd Corinthians his request for deliverance was to no avail. I personally, through my struggle can completely identify with that scenario. We should be commissioned to work at our recovery like we would anything else in our life, because with out sustained recovery everything that matters in our life we would be at risk of losing. Our pain and trauma is sort a like an onion with layers deepening to the core. In order to get to the core we must peel back all the layers. The layers represent life, pain and past memories. When we ask God to take all our addiction away we must understand that the addiction is developed on top of years and years of abuse. In order to be free we must dig deep to the core and be willing to expose the trauma we have endured. We must grasp the concept that our addiction has affected more than ourself. It has affected our relationships with our parents, friends, co-workers and spouses, by default we pull away spiritually from our God, the pain has affected the way in which we view ourselves and our identity, to our emotional and biological state. In the same way our addiction affects theses five areas, it is those five areas that lead us to healing in recovery. First off, if we attempt to draw close to Christ (Spiritually) and connect to him in a more intimate fashion our desire to conceive sexual sin will lessen. Secondly, if we began to relate (Relationally) with other individuals in forms of corporate worship, accountability partners and groups we will strip the addiction of its isolating power. Thirdly, attempting to arrange some level of qualified counsel from a pastoral or clinical care would increase our emotional (Emotionally) healing and recovery. Fourthly, making an appointment with your primary care doctor or psychiatrist for a med-check or assessment could also be proven to be useful from a biological (Biologically) stand point. Lastly, creating some sort of healthier eating, exercise and work regime could give you the added benefit for a total life transformation (Physically).
As you have probably already noticed many others factors play into the cause of sexual addiction and go into the healing from sexual addiction. I personally believe we are on the ground floor of the most destructive addiction this world has ever felt. Because we are sexual beings designed by God with give little or no merit to the area of sexual addiction. We were not designed to be alcohol or drug related so when someone struggles we immediately identify and share sympathy with the addict. Please understand my plea as a qualified Clinical Therapist and a recovering sexual addict that this article I am writing is real and sexual addiction does exist.
If anyone desires to understand more about the causes or healing from sexual addiction please contact us here at Life Counseling Center and The Underground atwww.theundergroundministry.org. I hope now you understand a little more about “An Underground Experience”.
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