JUST GOTO HELL!!!!!!!!!!

Again just a title to get your attention..........
So I came across this marquee in front of a local church while I was riding down the street in Pocomoke last week.  I am aware that not every Christian will believe like me & I also know that everyone has the right to post whatever they want on the Internet, in a newspaper article or marquee. 


With that being said, I have to question, where is the love of Christ in this churches marquee? We as Christians sometimes wonder or are even plagued as to why people (we call sinners) don't wanna be Christians.  We blame their lifestyles, their choices, their sin or unwillingness to give up cherished things.  Consequently we blame the "so-called" sinner on not receiving the truth WE give, but don't we have responsibility on how it's delivered?  I have been a Christian for going on 12 years and I have witnessed and even been part of (which I'm sad to say) conversations where Christians have belittled or looked down upon someone for not listening to the Gospel we deliver.  I have been arrogantly proud of the way I have delivered THE GOSPEL to others,  sorta with the mindset, "Well I told them".  


I also understand that there are many ways to share ones love for Jesus to others and the way I feel Christ has shown me may be different than what others feel.  To me though the above marquee doesn't produce anything but religious, sarcastic, hatred.  If we as Christians do believe in the severity of hell and that the pain and torment is eternal then why would we compare it to something as simple or meaningless as Barbecue.  I sorta get the feeling that this marquee and whoever put it up are a little bitter about their lack of partying happening in their life.  


The scripture stated on this marquee says, "Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. ¹² And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. ¹³ The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done. ¹⁴ Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. ¹⁵Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire."  No where in that scripture does it speak of "partying" or break down "what they had done" to send people into hell.  So as it is often with Christians we take from the Bible what WE believe it says and then impose it upon others.  


In closing it is my opinion that it is not our job to decide who has or hasn't taken up the cross, who is worthy or unworthy of eternal salvation through JESUS simply because we do not know the true heart or intent of anyone.  Even so we are all fallen & still sinful, that's where Gods grace come in,  it's not our job to decide who is worthy or isn't worthy of hell, that's a job above my pay grade.  Anyone that would say, when i get to hell I wanna party is obviously making a statement out of ignorance and unaware of what hell could possibly be like.  All I'm saying is those statements to me push away people more than any other thing someone does.   I guess if someone chooses to post signs like this than that's their choice.  All I can do is love Jesus & people (sinner & saint) & repent when i fall.  


This is disgusting & makes me sad...How or why would anyone come to Christ based on this, no wisdom involved, So i am sorry for everyone that isn't a follower of Christ who was or is bothered by this.  Now a days the name "CHRISTIAN" doesn't settle well with most people and its not because their unrighteous.  If I were to say that I am a Navy Seal, someone might be like, "Wow, that's amazing" they might even be a little in awe, but if we state that were Christian some might draw the conclusion, "Oh they hate gay people", "Their boring", "The don't drink, smoke, cuss, watch rated "R" movies or listen to secular music".  As a Christian I feel we need to do a better job of loving others.  As my good friend Justin Barnes says, "Maybe we should open up our arms, instead of pointing our fingers".   I attempt to live by Proverbs 24:16, "For a righteous man falls seven times, but gets up and the wicked fall in lays in calamity"  I am a flawed man who falls daily (hourly) an attempts to get up.  The above marquee to me is not Jesus & this again is also only my opinion.  GOD BLESS & PEACE!!!


Below I have song lyrics (Jesus, friend of sinners) that truly represents the cry of my heart and it is from my favorite Christian group called Casting Crowns... CHECK IT OUT!!!!

Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who's writing in the sand
Make the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of thieves
Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees
No one knows what we're for only against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did

You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

'Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours

And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah...
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your fee

What Is Sex Addiction? Is It Real?

I decided to title this article “What is Sex Addiction” because I want to explain to the everyone what it is like to suffer with a sexual addiction.  To personally shine light on the subject of sexual addiction from a Clinical Christian Therapeutic point of view as well as from a recovering sexual addict point of view. We call it an Underground experience because it is typically hidden from the rest of the world, it is dark, dirty and isolating.  I personally believe and have come to understand through my time spent counseling that there are many Christians struggling with some form of sexual addiction whether it is pornography and masturbation or repeated adulterous affairs.  The problem is that there are few people within the church walls willing to come forward and admit their struggles and be transparent to the body.  In this article I will explain how big this problem really is and how long it is been going on to how it becomes an addiction and where can we find healing and recovery from.
How Big Is This Problem?
Why as a society do we seem to be surprised when someone claims that they are a sex addict or gets caught committing various forms of adultery? If we take a look through out history dating back to 2030 B.C. we will find a place called Sodom and Gomorrah.  A place where it was common practice to partake in Homosexuality and orgies. We then can look ahead to 931 b.c where King David lusted after a woman and had her husband killed so he could be with her, to his son’s desire to prey upon his sister then eventually rape her.  Fast forward to King Herod and having women dance in front of him in the form of modern day stripping.  Through biblical times we see record after record of definite sexual sin and very possibly sexual addiction.  Take a look at the Playboy Empire to Hustler to Penthouse, these are all very successful business ventures that have made their millions off of the sexual addiction of many men and women.  It is reported that pornography sales a year make more money than ABC-NBC-CBS combined and more than NFL-MLB-NBA.  Lastly look what happened in the late 90’s when the internet went “boom”, it provided people who typically didn’t find pornography assessable, affordable to be anonymous.  I believe that we are living in a sexually addicted and saturated culture.  Which ever came first is unimportant to me at this point.  We as a culture have a need to be sexual and we subscribe to the many outlets available.  Supply and demand is very relevant because if there wasn’t a demand then they could not supply us.  So the point I am trying to make is that this problem of sexual addiction is far from being a new struggle and we are as a whole far from understanding the size of this monster called “Sexual addiction”.
Why Is It An Addiction?
Patrick Carnes, a leader in the understanding and development of sexual addiction stated that, “To be addicted is to have a pathological (diseased) relationship (pattern behavior) with a mood altering substance or behavior.  It is essentially when we attempt to meet an emotional need sexually.  If an alcoholic is depressed, sad or mad he or she might decide to drink alcohol or get drunk to deal with the pain.  A sex addict who is feeling anxiety, angry or lonely might seek out pornography, masturbation or actual communication and interaction with someone for an attempt to heal or deal with pain, shame and wounds.  It is an addiction because it becomes obsessive, compulsive, continues despite consequences, and creates a tolerance, repetitive, degenerative, unmanageable, destructive and finally medicative.  You may ask, why sex and why not other different outlets of coping?  It all depends on the vulnerability of a person when they realize that various forms of sexual acting out produce temporary relief from current or past pain.  I know individuals who have been involved in sexual sin and it hasn’t lead to a sexual addiction and I believe that their susceptibility plays into this as well as past traumas that have been experienced, other forms of coping may already be in place as well.  Here at Life Counseling Center and The Underground we take the stance that majority of struggling addicts suffer from some sort of abuse, trauma or wounds from past experiences.  It is been reported that 81% of all sexual addicts have been sexually abused, 72% have been physically abused and 97% have been emotionally abused.  Outside of relational trauma we also need to understand the biological component to all addiction even that of a sexual nature.  It has been researched that 75% of all sex addicts have either ADD or ADHD.  The ADD’s is when the Pre-Frontal Cortex (executive functioning) of the brain does not receive enough blood flow to operate properly.  Low blood flow in the pre-frontal cortex could result in having a short attention span, being impulsive, lacking proper judgment, healthy forward thinking and not having internal supervision.  Basically acting out (masturbation, pornography, the chase) creates an elevation in mood which creates adrenaline and it releases chemicals during orgasm which causes the brain to calm and bring the mood down into a state of relaxation.
How It Became An Addiction
When we use the term “trauma” we understand that it means different things to different people.  Trauma is when someone is sexually or physically abused but it also can be emotional abuse or neglect and abandonment of a particular need.  Every sex addict across the board that I have met struggles with the issue of abandonment, abandonment from a need that never got met.  Whether it was by a parent or sibling to a Sunday school teacher or coach.  When a person experiences trauma they typically pull from that incident a level of shame.  Guilt is when we feel we have “done” something wrong and shame is when we “are” something wrong.  So we endure trauma and from that we feel inadequate, stupid or not good enough.  To deal with the shame that we feel we create fantasy or a desire to relieve the pain (affairs, texting, pornography, the chase), we develop certain rituals (getting alone, shutting the door, turning down the blinds) to eventually acting out with the particular act that relieves the pain temporarily, once the act is done and the high is achieved we begin to feel convicted, shameful again and thus the cycle to relieve pain begins over and over.  I have counseled some men who cycled with adultery once every six months to once a year, to other men whose cycle was porn and masturbation five times daily.  Keep in mind that all of these acts are only temporary relief of an emotional pain.  Sex addiction is not about sex, but only acted out through a sexual manner.  The main cry of a sex addict is to be wanted, loved, needed and desired.   Please understand that whatever method of acting out is merely a symptom to a much deeper root problem. 
How To Heal & Recover
Ursula K. Leguin stated that, “It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters, in the end”.  The pathway to healing and recovery is what one would call a “journey”.  A journey is a distance, a course or a time of lengthy travel, not to be confused with a race.  The first two requirements for healing and recovery from sexual addiction are patience and perseverance.  I am a firm believer that Christ can heal all wounds, but I have never seen him heal a man or woman from sexual addiction.  The ailment is not physical but more so emotional damage.  However, I believe the healing and deliverance in Christ is done step by step alongside the Savior and he even at times carries individuals through the pain and trauma of their past to a place of peace, comfort and purity.  Many addicts I have met have pleaded with God to take their struggle away probably hundreds or thousands of times.  Like the Apostle Paul in 2nd Corinthians his request for deliverance was to no avail.  I personally, through my struggle can completely identify with that scenario.  We should be commissioned to work at our recovery like we would anything else in our life, because with out sustained recovery everything that matters in our life we would be at risk of losing.  Our pain and trauma is sort a like an onion with layers deepening to the core.  In order to get to the core we must peel back all the layers.  The layers represent life, pain and past memories.  When we ask God to take all our addiction away we must understand that the addiction is developed on top of years and years of abuse.  In order to be free we must dig deep to the core and be willing to expose the trauma we have endured.  We must grasp the concept that our addiction has affected more than ourself.  It has affected our relationships with our parents, friends, co-workers and spouses, by default we pull away spiritually from our God, the pain has affected the way in which we view ourselves and our identity, to our emotional and biological state.  In the same way our addiction affects theses five areas, it is those five areas that lead us to healing in recovery.  First off, if we attempt to draw close to Christ (Spiritually) and connect to him in a more intimate fashion our desire to conceive sexual sin will lessen.  Secondly, if we began to relate (Relationally) with other individuals in forms of corporate worship, accountability partners and groups we will strip the addiction of its isolating power.  Thirdly, attempting to arrange some level of qualified counsel from a pastoral or clinical care would increase our emotional (Emotionally) healing and recovery.  Fourthly, making an appointment with your primary care doctor or psychiatrist for a med-check or assessment could also be proven to be useful from a biological (Biologically) stand point.  Lastly, creating some sort of healthier eating, exercise and work regime could give you the added benefit for a total life transformation (Physically).
As you have probably already noticed many others factors play into the cause of sexual addiction and go into the healing from sexual addiction.  I personally believe we are on the ground floor of the most destructive addiction this world has ever felt.  Because we are sexual beings designed by God with give little or no merit to the area of sexual addiction.  We were not designed to be alcohol or drug related so when someone struggles we immediately identify and share sympathy with the addict.  Please understand my plea as a qualified Clinical Therapist and a recovering sexual addict that this article I am writing is real and sexual addiction does exist. 
If anyone desires to understand more about the causes or healing from sexual addiction please contact us here at Life Counseling Center and The Underground atwww.theundergroundministry.org.  I hope now you understand a little more about “An Underground Experience”.

JESUS loves Two and a half men?

I figured that would get your attention....I really have no idea if Jesus loves two and a half men, but I suspect he would love the characters or actors.  I only made that the title of this post because I wanted to get your attention plus the idea for this post came from the show Two and a half men.  
So the other day I was watching Two and a half me (Don't judge) I am aware of the content, but part of me wonders how many other Christians secretly love that show.  I wonder how many of them DVR it when they are not home, HAHA.  Look this blog is about honesty and transparency, it is a place for me and whoever to be REAL.  My wife and I use to watch it every Tuesday @ 9 (I think), but since Ashton Kutcher took over it just hasn't been the same.  Anyways," ADHD moment there" sorry.  One night I was watching it and this statement directed at Alan (Jon Cryer) about his many woes in life since his brother Charlie (Charlie Sheen) had died.  Here's the quote, 

"We can stay and make our problems go away or we can just go away with our problems". 

*WOW...Upon hearing that I paused the TV and wrote that down.  In the weeks following that quote I just began pondering what it meant for me and how many things I struggle with today because I have choose not to deal with my past hurts, wounds & traumas.  I also began to look at my family of origin and how many problems they had based on the fact of not truly identifying and dealing with their painful past problems.  Also, how much had I suffered in my life because others didn't deal with their struggles and how much have others suffered because of me and my inability to deal with problems &  pain.  Lastly, I began to look at the many clients I counsel on a weekly basis that struggle with various problems.  One thing I can definitely guarantee is that every single person walking the face of this earth has problems/issues/sin, past wounds not healed, areas of unforgiveness, deficits in their emotional, biological, physical, mental, relational and spiritual well being because of problems/traumas.  Regardless if these problems were self imposed or brought on by another person is irrelevant.  The question still remains, did you deal with it?  It could be the loss of a loved one to cancer or by natural causes.  It could be having your heart broken by a spouse or family member.  It could an unexpected suicide in the family.  The infidelity of your spouse or your parents.  What I know for sure is that all the things listed above is real life and it hurts really bad.  Somehow we can all identify and hopefully agree that we all have problems in need of fixing or at least tending too.  


There are many dogmas, ideals, beliefs and cliches that we are unaware we even live by.  "Out of sight, out of mind", "Whats done in Vegas, stays in Vegas", "Let the past be the past".
and my personal fav is, "Let bygone's be bygone's".  The fact is we digest these and attempt to live by these, then they shape our views or ways which keep us down and hold us back.  We typically believe or live by moving forward and not facing the past.  We are a "feel good" type of people who would prefer to not  deal with discomfort.  Where did we ever get the idea that life is suppose to be all rainbows and butterflies?  It is the pain and valley that develops and grows us.  "Grass grows in the valley not on the mountaintop!!!"  If we sit in our problems and acknowledge them fully then we have a far better chance of moving through them.  Ignoring them doesn't make them go away, all it does is make them grow and bring forth large consequences.  My little saying is, "The light at the tunnel is an oncoming train and it must hit, rock and knock you down, but once you have got up the light at the end of the tunnel is actual light, the end".  You can't see the end result before you get there, so must press on and endure to achieve and receive what life has to truly offer you.


*To sum it all up, we all have problems and at some point and time we always will.  We can't run anymore, we must face our giants.  The only way around the valley or pain is to go right through it.  Your not weak or feeble when admitting your problems.  Maybe you need assistance or guidance and should seek the help of a friend, parent, pastor or therapist.  


Choose to deal with your issues before they deal with you.---PEACE, ant

Am I A Role Model?

AM I A ROLE MODEL? Today I was given the compliment or “accused” of being a role model, depending on which stance you take.  A title, position or power I never asked for. The Webster’s defines a role model as a person imitated by others & is a title given to you by others. A role model doesn't typically recruit followers or ask people to admire or try to imitate them.  However me & as I'm sure others who have bore this title are thankful for their kind words & their perception of us but the problem that still remains is this... The person that identifies you in this role gets to determine what qualities you have to or should possess. An example would be a role model should not cuss. Who gives that person the right to put that pressure or expectation on an imperfect being, which by default is destined to let his or her “followers” down.  My thoughts would be that a role my model is a person who shows grace to the fallen because he or she first fell.  A role model is a person who gets to know the most intimate details of people & allows them to know the truth, & dark places of their soul & life in honesty.  A role model is a person not judged on his reputation because a reputation is the public’s "estimation" of his character.  His character however is not an estimation at all, it is developed & cultivated by people who truly know the heart of that supposed role model. In society today we give out that title so frequently.  We give it to people who make money, win awards, catch the public eye or do something generous for their neighbor. We don't know nor have ever really met the heart of that person.  So to some yes I can be called a role model.  Call me one for my honesty, call me one for my passion, call me one for my conviction & desire to give from my heart to help others in need, but do not call me one because I am a Christian or a therapist, because we all have our own definitions & perceptions for what that means. Call me one because you know me & you realize that am I still an amazing work in progress who will never give up until I die. Do not call me one because you think your children look up to me for reasons “you” feel are important. Your children should look up to me for who I am, not what “you” want me to be.  A role model in many ways is idolatry worship because the word says in Ephesians 5:1 that we should all be imitators of God an attempt to copy who & what Jesus did & be who he created us to be in order to fill our identity in Christ. Anyone put in a role model position will eventually fail & let their imitators down or the parents of their imitators.  Then the followers or imitators make statements of shame, contempt & judgment towards the role model in an attempt to fit them back into their box or persona which the role model never asked to be placed into in the first place. So to sum up my view on a role model, let's just say I am one to those who truly know & understand me & for those who don't I refuse to accept that title.   PEACE!!!

Is There Time For Lamenting?

I decided to write this post after sitting in church one morning feeling depressed, beat down & bedraggled. Soooo here it goes.... I think alot of Christians or majority of Christianity believe we should be happy or joyful most of our walk. And if we're not then there is a problem with us or in our faith in Jesus. However the bible clearly demonstrates that there should be a time of pain, questions & curiosities as well as joy, happiest and praise. It's ok to be mad at God (many in the bible were) it's ok to question God (many in the bible did) The boundary should be (for me) not to walk away from God or denounce him. Being mad or in pain is part of our humanity. It releases and cleanses, when we don't truly and clearly release it stays within us and turns into a angst & depression. It creates a people walking around with masks and fake grins. What happened to being sensitive & having integrity regarding our emotions and the truthfulness with the many trials of life. Majority of the bible is pain, hurt, loss and devastation. Majority of the bible is questions, curiosities and Lamentations. Laments are found throughout the Bible, especially in the Psalms, Job, Jeremiah, the crucifixion of Jesus and the Book of Lamentations. They are prayers for help coming out of pain that teach us there are things we cannot as people change. This life is a true story of redemption, but not redemption of what man can bring, but only God thru his grace. So what makes us feel so small and why cant we truly be honest before others and men.  If we aren't allowed to be honest before God (who knows all anyway) then what we become is a fake, mask wearing hypocrite.  I believe there is a balance point between having faith and choosing joy versus crying out to God  in desperation, agony and need.  However, I think that is based upon the circumstances one faces in their life.  Anyways, I just disagreed (surprising huh?) with the sermon.  


Here are some lyrics from one of my favorite songs (Stain Glass Masquarde) by one of my artists (Casting Crowns): 
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay 

Why Blog?

Well, I wish my answer was more profound but the reason why I am blogging is to express my curiosities, frustrations, and enlightenment's on my journey.  To be as honest & as transparent as I can be, to take off the typical mask people wear on a daily basis, to express my humanity, to find the real me.  So I guess I am being selfish & doing this for me, for my sanity & for my salvation.  If there is anyway you (who read this) can benefit from my quests, my unanswered questions & my thoughts then that is a good thing.  If I can help you with my journey or you can identify with my struggles, then that makes my walk with walking.  If I fall so you don't then I'm glad to fall.  Proverbs 24:16 "For a righteous man falls seven times, but rises again while the wicked fall & lay in calamity"..PEACE OUT

Who Am I?

Who Am I?   Well, The basics are that I am a 35 year old seeker of knowledge, understanding and wisdom.  I am married to a ridicioulousy amazing woman & we have been together for 8 years.  I have a beautiful little girl named Londyn who is 4 & a devilishly adorable son who is 2 & his name is Lincoln.  I work as a Clinical Therapist & have done so for the better part of 6 years.  I also write alot of poetry/rhymes & then take them & put into music.  I like to be creative & put together websites on the side.  I am an absolute lover of JESUS, I hate religion & not really a fan on "churchiness".  I struggle with the institution of religion & the image it portrays.  I fall everyday, but must get up & repent & move forward. I don’t get into the rules or regulations of what we call Christianity.  I get into the relationship offered by a merciful & graceful God who forgives such a wretched man.  I go to church because I want to, not because I have to, I don’t dress up, I can dance, I can drink a beer, I can watch secular TV & listen to secular music.  I still struggle with cussing, lusting & doing the right thing.  I am a work in progress & will always be.  I have more issues than most & will not judge another. All I try to do is give my best everyday & get up once I have fallen.  I know way more than probably wanted.  Too deep & complex, but that’s my reality.