Am I A Role Model?

AM I A ROLE MODEL? Today I was given the compliment or “accused” of being a role model, depending on which stance you take.  A title, position or power I never asked for. The Webster’s defines a role model as a person imitated by others & is a title given to you by others. A role model doesn't typically recruit followers or ask people to admire or try to imitate them.  However me & as I'm sure others who have bore this title are thankful for their kind words & their perception of us but the problem that still remains is this... The person that identifies you in this role gets to determine what qualities you have to or should possess. An example would be a role model should not cuss. Who gives that person the right to put that pressure or expectation on an imperfect being, which by default is destined to let his or her “followers” down.  My thoughts would be that a role my model is a person who shows grace to the fallen because he or she first fell.  A role model is a person who gets to know the most intimate details of people & allows them to know the truth, & dark places of their soul & life in honesty.  A role model is a person not judged on his reputation because a reputation is the public’s "estimation" of his character.  His character however is not an estimation at all, it is developed & cultivated by people who truly know the heart of that supposed role model. In society today we give out that title so frequently.  We give it to people who make money, win awards, catch the public eye or do something generous for their neighbor. We don't know nor have ever really met the heart of that person.  So to some yes I can be called a role model.  Call me one for my honesty, call me one for my passion, call me one for my conviction & desire to give from my heart to help others in need, but do not call me one because I am a Christian or a therapist, because we all have our own definitions & perceptions for what that means. Call me one because you know me & you realize that am I still an amazing work in progress who will never give up until I die. Do not call me one because you think your children look up to me for reasons “you” feel are important. Your children should look up to me for who I am, not what “you” want me to be.  A role model in many ways is idolatry worship because the word says in Ephesians 5:1 that we should all be imitators of God an attempt to copy who & what Jesus did & be who he created us to be in order to fill our identity in Christ. Anyone put in a role model position will eventually fail & let their imitators down or the parents of their imitators.  Then the followers or imitators make statements of shame, contempt & judgment towards the role model in an attempt to fit them back into their box or persona which the role model never asked to be placed into in the first place. So to sum up my view on a role model, let's just say I am one to those who truly know & understand me & for those who don't I refuse to accept that title.   PEACE!!!

Is There Time For Lamenting?

I decided to write this post after sitting in church one morning feeling depressed, beat down & bedraggled. Soooo here it goes.... I think alot of Christians or majority of Christianity believe we should be happy or joyful most of our walk. And if we're not then there is a problem with us or in our faith in Jesus. However the bible clearly demonstrates that there should be a time of pain, questions & curiosities as well as joy, happiest and praise. It's ok to be mad at God (many in the bible were) it's ok to question God (many in the bible did) The boundary should be (for me) not to walk away from God or denounce him. Being mad or in pain is part of our humanity. It releases and cleanses, when we don't truly and clearly release it stays within us and turns into a angst & depression. It creates a people walking around with masks and fake grins. What happened to being sensitive & having integrity regarding our emotions and the truthfulness with the many trials of life. Majority of the bible is pain, hurt, loss and devastation. Majority of the bible is questions, curiosities and Lamentations. Laments are found throughout the Bible, especially in the Psalms, Job, Jeremiah, the crucifixion of Jesus and the Book of Lamentations. They are prayers for help coming out of pain that teach us there are things we cannot as people change. This life is a true story of redemption, but not redemption of what man can bring, but only God thru his grace. So what makes us feel so small and why cant we truly be honest before others and men.  If we aren't allowed to be honest before God (who knows all anyway) then what we become is a fake, mask wearing hypocrite.  I believe there is a balance point between having faith and choosing joy versus crying out to God  in desperation, agony and need.  However, I think that is based upon the circumstances one faces in their life.  Anyways, I just disagreed (surprising huh?) with the sermon.  


Here are some lyrics from one of my favorite songs (Stain Glass Masquarde) by one of my artists (Casting Crowns): 
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay 

Why Blog?

Well, I wish my answer was more profound but the reason why I am blogging is to express my curiosities, frustrations, and enlightenment's on my journey.  To be as honest & as transparent as I can be, to take off the typical mask people wear on a daily basis, to express my humanity, to find the real me.  So I guess I am being selfish & doing this for me, for my sanity & for my salvation.  If there is anyway you (who read this) can benefit from my quests, my unanswered questions & my thoughts then that is a good thing.  If I can help you with my journey or you can identify with my struggles, then that makes my walk with walking.  If I fall so you don't then I'm glad to fall.  Proverbs 24:16 "For a righteous man falls seven times, but rises again while the wicked fall & lay in calamity"..PEACE OUT

Who Am I?

Who Am I?   Well, The basics are that I am a 35 year old seeker of knowledge, understanding and wisdom.  I am married to a ridicioulousy amazing woman & we have been together for 8 years.  I have a beautiful little girl named Londyn who is 4 & a devilishly adorable son who is 2 & his name is Lincoln.  I work as a Clinical Therapist & have done so for the better part of 6 years.  I also write alot of poetry/rhymes & then take them & put into music.  I like to be creative & put together websites on the side.  I am an absolute lover of JESUS, I hate religion & not really a fan on "churchiness".  I struggle with the institution of religion & the image it portrays.  I fall everyday, but must get up & repent & move forward. I don’t get into the rules or regulations of what we call Christianity.  I get into the relationship offered by a merciful & graceful God who forgives such a wretched man.  I go to church because I want to, not because I have to, I don’t dress up, I can dance, I can drink a beer, I can watch secular TV & listen to secular music.  I still struggle with cussing, lusting & doing the right thing.  I am a work in progress & will always be.  I have more issues than most & will not judge another. All I try to do is give my best everyday & get up once I have fallen.  I know way more than probably wanted.  Too deep & complex, but that’s my reality.